My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
