Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
