what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
