Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
