I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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