I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
