I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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