I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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