what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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