Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
whose parrot is this?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
