his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize