My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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