I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She said her name was "party"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
