that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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