Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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