you guys were way drunker than both of me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
