Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
