Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
