Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
