K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
