dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
