you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
