I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
we're so committed to being not committed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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