If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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