you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
