Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
