I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
