I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
