Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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