I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize