I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
