we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
