Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
