I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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