I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
