She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
