I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
