I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize