Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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