I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
