tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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