Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
