Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Holy sore nipples Batman
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
