Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize