Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
