You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
