Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
