I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't turn off my feet"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
