went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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