yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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