i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I deserve this hangover.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
