that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
