He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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