Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
