they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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