You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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