I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
