R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
