somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
