Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
