hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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