I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
