I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
