when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
