Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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