He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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