I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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