your parents love me but you hate me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
