when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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