Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
