I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
