obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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