that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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