I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize