That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
