So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize