I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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