as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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