Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
