Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
