i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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