may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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