Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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