is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
