ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
