when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
