i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's like God shit irony all over that family
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
