Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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