I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
