I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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