So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
