I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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