So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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