I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
