You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
